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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
October 1, 2013
=Bark's unique style establishes quite the story in Killer, Chapter One.
Featured by neurotype-on-discord
Suggested by xlntwtch
Literature
How to Sleep and Never Wake Up
The year they discovered my best friend, twenty years old and silent under the heap of her wrecked car, I learned one can sleep forever and never wake up.
That year, her sister, only seventeen, ate magic mushrooms and lost her mind and her brother, fourteen, started running and stopped eating and I didn't eat magic mushrooms but lost my mind anyway as everyone watched my skin, too white to be real, disintegrate before their eyes.
That year I flew to Colorado to see an urn surrounded by pointe shoes. It reminded me more of a wastebasket than the last I would see of the girl who shared my soul. Her sister ran naked through the street a few da
Literature
In Which Middle School is Hell
I can still remember with perfect clarity the day in eighth grade when a boy walked up to me at my locker and said, “Hey cutie.” I was sweaty, having just come from gym class, and I was only at my locker to buy some time before I had to go to math class where the teacher hated me and the numbers didn’t make any sense. But there was a boy standing next to me and he called me cute and I had no idea what to say. As it turned out I didn’t have to say anything because the girl he was with just laughed, a cut off cackle into the oversized purse she was fishing through. I turned back to my locker, not saying a word because I
Literature
Beginning We End
Him, in the very beginning:
He is eighteen when he gets his death sentence. Unlike most death sentences, this one isn't going to send him to the guillotine or maybe the noose. Instead, it's handed to him by a doctor with very clean hands in a stark white room probably very similar to the one he'll end up dying in. And it's not the type of death sentence carried out by an impassive executor. He's essentially going to kill himself. He is dying from the inside out.
He mumbles something at the doctor, and suddenly he is on the street, a white piece of paper fisted and crumped in his hands. He's grateful it has the prescription written on it in
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Some familiar images from my poetry.
Mature
© 2013 - 2024 Bark
Comments80
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis first chapter is a great look into a dark protagonist, and raises a few questions that leave me wanting more from the story.
The first fantastic paragraph showcases a perfectly paced flourish of alliteration, which somehow makes the imagery of a burning house and a burning childhood poetic in a sick, twisted sort of way. Unfortunately this motif of the language contradicting the subject matter doesn't really continue, and we see the main character reacting to negative images further in the piece the way we'd expect a normal person to.
Continuing on that note, the major problems I find in this piece are more of the technical variety than anything else. Repeated words, awkward phrasing, or tired analogies are what drag down this story which otherwise has a great vision and plays with our expectations of the innocent protagonist in interesting and delightfully sinister ways.