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Writing by MatieuCanadaWilliams

Bark in the Moon by x-pyre12


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Submitted on
July 2, 2014
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2:30 AM coffee and cigarettes, rain dripping from the ledge outside
Exhausted, but hopeful; a universe in my cup waiting to spill out
I look inside; this is no new world of wonder, only the one I know
A terrain of coiled barbed wire that engraved my battle scars

Stumble once more down the dark scrubby embankment, naked
Thin-ribbed dogs of waste howl my name; they know me here
The dreamcatcher is full, there will be no more allowed inside
Knives in my back twist like an old song I’ve heard too often

Is that you, looking down from the highest places of light and love?
Do you know what it’s like to be a graveyard worm in soft soil?
How many fingers am I holding up? That’s right, I have none
Little stumps that can’t hold on to anything, can’t even make a fist
Revised 7/2/14... any better?
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:iconrunnrabbitrunn:
RUNNrabbitRUNN Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014
brotherman i have been there....
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Professional Writer
Too many of us have...
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:iconfollowintheblackbird:
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry I didn't read the original version. So much has been happening around me. I can say I like this very much.
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Professional Writer
Thanks, Jon. I might still re-visit this one after I've given it some time to settle.
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:iconfollowintheblackbird:
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll keep my eyes open for it.
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:iconwordeea:
Wordeea Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yes ... subtle in the 1st - and it works well...
also i forgot to say earlier : i love this verse >The dreamcatcher is full, there will be no more allowed inside
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Thank you! I'm going to let it ripen a while, then I'll go back and take another look. I think sometimes the best thing for a poem is just to give it enough time, then come back to it.
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:iconwordeea:
Wordeea Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
absolutely !
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:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yes, changes in the first stanza, i think.
i like it now; seems not so totally bleak?

faved! :)
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Thanks, Pip! I was trying to express how every night I sit down to write, and more often than not come up with the same old crap. There IS a universe in that coffee cup, and I mean to explore it. :)
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:iconkatiousa15:
katiousa15 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
...Always the same one.... A wonderful poem!
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
You're too kind!
Reply
:iconm-gosia:
m-gosia Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
Is that you, looking down from the highest places of light and love?
Do you know what it’s like to be a graveyard worm in soft soil?
How many fingers am I holding up? That’s right, I have none
Little stumps that can’t hold on to anything, can’t even make a fistLove 
Reply
:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
Thank you so much for seeing the good in a bad piece! :D
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:iconm-gosia:
m-gosia Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014
Heart 
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:iconwordeea:
Wordeea Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
the last stanza is good and the last two lines are excellent. don't scrap the whole thing - or rework it ...
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
I'll work on it, thanks!
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:iconwordeea:
Wordeea Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yay ! :D
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014   Writer
Don't scrap it -- the last two lines are dynamite.
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
Okay, I guess I'll have to drag that little editor that lives in the basement of my brain out. :)
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:iconjennystokes:
jennystokes Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional General Artist
No need to scrap this.....................work on it more.
I like the idea.
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
I hate editing, but I guess I'll give it a shot this time.
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:iconjennystokes:
jennystokes Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Professional General Artist
I think so........there is too much that is good in it???
:sun:
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Professional Writer
I'll try to check it again once it's had time to settle and see. :)
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:iconjennystokes:
jennystokes Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Professional General Artist
Nod Hug 
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:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
Worm heaven.
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Professional Writer
:D
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