Champion

I was born in the eye of a hurricane during a shootout to the then-queen of England. I was named Judas Christ. Yes, I've always been a pirate. I ran the light show for a Beatles cover band, until the guy who played John was killed by a chap named Chapstick. After sleeping for forty years, I awoke beneath a blanket of ladybugs. The lady had left, though. Yes, I've always been a pirate. The ocean called to me, and I answered it. Miles of moonlight later, my ship abandoned, my raft broken up upon the rocky shore, I began writing songs about eggs and painting black velvet Elvises for a living. My following grew to the point where I knew that I'd be crucified, but I betrayed myself and went into hiding in a cave. It stank, so I followed a trail of pennies back to the ocean. Yes, I've always been a pirate. I stole this life and buried it in an abandoned drugstore. Gotta roll with the punches, baby. Meet me at the crossroads at midnight. Bring a dead cat. I'll return your soul, I promise. I just want to borrow it for a while.